i hardly slept last night. my mind was alive to the peculiar place i am in. i had two phone calls and two extended chat sessions. love was in the air but the imbalance and disbalance of it. the curve of it away from the joy of it, the lesson of it, the hurt and heal of it. the second call i had was most instructive. it slid from the safe borders of propriety into the dark shadows of irresponsibility. it was saved by the coming of the dawn and the sure knowledge that this was not me as advertised or as is.
the other versions of communication had their own inner lights, of me leaving my pain aside and using it to help others.
has it come to this: this. or. that.
the light or the dark.
i chose the light.
no more dark.
lord,help me live out.
lord, help me love without fear.
lord, as your son sang:"just keep me where the light is."
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