love is grace, not karma.1.finding or being found?

it has finally happened. i am finally, utterly in love and living it. it is strange how it happens totally out of the blue, without expecting it. it is strange that it comes after hiccups and false starts and the recieving and giving of heartache. it happened not in the way my heart advertised it. it did not happen because i willed it or drew it from the universe with positive thinking. it was not karma. it was grace.
i have done duty, i have done resilience, i have done the chase and the risk. i have done everthing to win love but in the end love won me. when i saw her i did not have to retreat to some mountain resort to mull over it. i did not need a second opinion. i could hear the heavens clearly. there was no rule book, no ancient play book, no steps to falling in love. it was as simple as letting go of...no, i won't even lie, i did nothing to get this done. it was grace and not karma.
now i am beset with the anxieties of love...will it last? will i bungle it? i have all the usual questions except one: is this for real? i know it is. deep, deep in my heart i have made the connection with what my mind picked up from that first day in the garden. i can use all the cliches in the world to desrcibe it but let me just say this...it feels like i am closer home than i have ever been. in a sense, i am home.