love is grace not karma.2.where to put the pain.

it has happened. the sure end of a blossoming love. you never plan for the ache of love, for it exploding in your face. you can never really prepare for the sudden appearance of a problem, a tempest, some ill wind that takes your ship to the rock of reality, that overated thing we mistakenly call growing up. it is really growing down, de-composition, the steady call of a sudden death. there is always the need to rationalise what has happened. to make theology out of human error. but love is not one experience or one outcome. it is the requirement for a journey of meaning. we may love, as best we know how, and still lose. our love may be rejected or held inadequate under the light of another's reflection. we may not get to express it in the way we want.

most recently my love has been rejected, my heart given back to me. i have just had to swallow my own words of love. what do you do with the rising pain of a fallen love? i have had this discussion with my companions on this journey. i have heard diverse answers. i am still in the process of discovering what i believe. it is weird to feel this way. so powerless to turn the tide. so useless against the giant called choice.

what do i do with this pain?

i heal. i do not give up on the question of love. i refuse to be bitter. i refuse to let it turn into hate. it will not change me into a shell. it will not shrink my dreams or becloud my judgement. i will set sail tommorow on a voyage for my mrs. blue. i will find the her that makes the me a little more complete, my partner in this journey to the stars. the alchemy may be discredited as a union but love is not. and never will be.