sex is holy?

"There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was
Hallelujah"
words and music by leonard cohen

we are all afflicted with the desire to pursue sexual intimacy. some of us will find it and some will find fulfilment in celibacy(though i can not figure out how that works or why..i will leave that to He who delights in contradictions but is the great harbinger of truth). c.s. lewis once noted that once sex was talked about too little and then too much, neither helping keep the act sacred or the doers of the deed free from guilt and doubt. it is a complex and personal thing and it defines so much of who we are and what we do. it is the hot topic of religious instruction and those that give up on doctrine do so, many times, simply because they can not reconcile the perpetual turn to their desire with keeping up with the "do not have sex" instruction. apostle paul, celibate and all, did us no favours by making sexual sin a stand out and the books generally spell out doom and gloom for those that indulge in the act; sex is holy within a context and outside that you are on dangerous ground.
the truth is that it happens quite a lot. even in the most religious settings. we have not been open enough to help each other or closed enough to protect each other or graceful enough to forgive and show redemption. there are a hundred things you can do around sex and call yourself clean. the thought is enough, jesus said, in a rare word about the sacred act. so i have had sex today once i thought about it..o brother!
and then there are those of us fractured by early sexual encounters, abuse, rape and all the things that may make us see the act as repulsive and redundant to pleasure of mind and body. those that live in shame of past acts and cry over every present act, caught in a cycle of meaningless encounters, for whom sex has become the verb; fucking and nothing else. i was too young myself. twelve, hungry for escape, eager for fake nirvana, not knowing what the thing meant, confused by the advances of older women and men who insisted they it was all about love. no it was not. and when one toook the wind from me and by chance it was a woman and not a man, my sexuality was formed in this way. what if it was a man? would i be gay now? how dare i say such things? how many boys out there have been raped by men and then turned to the alternative lifestyle. could i have been one of them? if the chance turned the other way? to these i have nothing but sadness and anger for the crime and prayers offered. for sex is too complicated to be forced on a child.
and some of us just liked to be touched. the act is expression, feeling, need. but in the lonely hours we feel there is more than an orgasm to the act. we know it can be a "haLLELUJAH" moment. that two people can so connect that their love can find a bed to express deep things in physical acts and loud noises that come from deep in the heart.
the next time i have sex i am going to cry. i am going to share a bed with someone i have already shared everything else with. my mind has always been: sex is holy? it will be. no more empty face and fallen dreams. it is not all there is to life but for that moment i want to let go of gravity and fly with the woman i love. i want, as mr. cohen said, to move with the holy dove. the next time i have sex it will be holy.
i hope it will be so for you too.
i pray so.
hallelujah.