love is grace, not karma.1.finding or being found?

it has finally happened. i am finally, utterly in love and living it. it is strange how it happens totally out of the blue, without expecting it. it is strange that it comes after hiccups and false starts and the recieving and giving of heartache. it happened not in the way my heart advertised it. it did not happen because i willed it or drew it from the universe with positive thinking. it was not karma. it was grace.
i have done duty, i have done resilience, i have done the chase and the risk. i have done everthing to win love but in the end love won me. when i saw her i did not have to retreat to some mountain resort to mull over it. i did not need a second opinion. i could hear the heavens clearly. there was no rule book, no ancient play book, no steps to falling in love. it was as simple as letting go of...no, i won't even lie, i did nothing to get this done. it was grace and not karma.
now i am beset with the anxieties of love...will it last? will i bungle it? i have all the usual questions except one: is this for real? i know it is. deep, deep in my heart i have made the connection with what my mind picked up from that first day in the garden. i can use all the cliches in the world to desrcibe it but let me just say this...it feels like i am closer home than i have ever been. in a sense, i am home.

the right work ethic.

while we all hope to do the thing we love, we often have to make the compromise of doing the thing we hate, in the interim, until we have the means to support our real passions. in the circle of common wisdom this is called "being wise." work is such a burden for many because it is not what they imagined doing with the hours of their life in the starlit dreams of childhood. the work is a demotion from ambition and so they treat it as such. i treat it as such.
the truth is that no job is really beneath us. not if its aim is not to exploit and it aids in the building up of the world and not the breaking down of moral, financial or mental pillars that can set the world aright. the rule is "first do no harm." we will not spend our whole lives in the doldrums of an unwanted job,hopefully, but the places we pass on the road to el dorado will give us the character to appreciate the real value of time and effort. at the end the road of the journey is the destination in little parts. every part has its value and it should be treated as such.
the attitude to have is one of learning through the ups and downs. life is designed as a series of lessons,lectures. try to show up for every class.

love and longing...

they call it the universal question but i think it is really the universal puzzle. it is not beautiful because it is known,it is beautiful because it is elusive,always somewhat in the realm of the unknown. it is that river that we see in dreams, in visions,in childhood remembrances. it is that piece of the sun that must only fall once for it to alter the internal structure of any live forever.
and so we long and we long through movies and music and musing and mishaps. we may console ourselves and fall back to first principles but we have all been burned by the fire of love. we love to long because the only thing better than having is being able to brood about the emptiness of not having.
but one fine day. maybe. we will see the warm arms of true love.

on choice.

i am intrigued by the concept of choice. how much control do we really have?
how much of our faith, fate....is tied to what we choose. did we choose these things we are?
or are we merely products of the history that we play no part in?
these things may have no answer quick to the eye...but if we answer them, we get closer to the core of the real experience. for if we do not choose as much as we think or wish, then we may stop the great struggle to shape things and begin,instead, to be shaped by things greater than us.

to be inspired.

there are many dangers of living in any space, even cyberspace. yet it is better to live in danger than in safety. a safe heart will see no ill wind, but it will see nothing else. it will never grow, never stand, never become more. it is doomed to be safe and that is all.
to live a life seeking inspite of fear or safety is to live the door open to be inspired.